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Do women around the world shower in the same way—or do the rituals of cleanliness differ from country to country? "Amsterdam" offers a peek into the world of Netherlands showers…

…and yeah, it’s pretty much the same as what we’re accustomed to in America. (Still hot, though!)

· “Amsterdam” (imdb.com)
· Marie Vinck & Hilde van Mieghem in "Amsterdam" (deepatseavideos.blogspot.com)

Alexis Ford's Adam & Eve debut, "American Made: Alexis Ford," has Alexis starring as a head mechanic whose team has been hired to do some work on Tommy Gunn's fleet of expensive cars…but (naturally) spend their time fucking instead.

American Made: Alexis Ford

Studio: Adam & Eve
Director: Jim Malibu
Cast: Alexis Ford, Nicole Ray, Justine Joli, Danni Cole, Isis Taylor, Tommy Gunn, Evan Stone, Kris Slater

We can’t say much about Alexis’s work on cars, but if you’re looking for a team of horny girls to service your wife, your best friend, your employee, and you (twice!)…then you’ve come to the right place.

The plot of this film is not much to speak of—more a series of car-themed innuendos than a storyline—but, given the quality of the acting, it's probably for the best that Jim Malibu chose to dispense with an elaborate set up and simply cut to the sex. Especially since the sex itself is quite good…assuming you enjoy (or can ignore) repeated puns about revving engines, detailwork, and why men are like cars.

The release gets off to a roaring start with Nicole Ray—apparently jealous of the attention Tommy Gunn is paying to Alexis Ford's ass—promising to rev Tommy's "big engine" (and then proceeding to suck and fuck him on the stairs right in front of his mansion's front door).

Meanwhile, Alexis Ford is lost in the mansion, searching for Tommy’s wife Justine Joli, who’s none too happy about the time and focus Tommy’s cars are taking away from their mutual funds. So naturally, Justine and Alexis fuck. Luckily, they’re both handy enough performers (and beautiful enough girls) that we’re easily able to forget the silly conceit that led to their affair.

Taking a break from the grueling work of auto detailing, Danni Cole sneaks off to the backyard to have some quality time with her vibrator—only to be discovered by (who else?) Evan Stone in a thong speedo. If it were anyone else, we'd have to criticize the supposedly sexy choice of bathing suit—but come on, this is Evan Stone. He can wear what he wants.

Also taking a break from work: Isis Taylor, who sneaks off with Kris Slater (seriously, it's kind of a miracle these girls get anything done at all). Isis and Kris finish off their whirlwind fuck session with a delicious tit fuck—and, by our count, incorporate the fewest auto puns into the mix, making this one of our favorite scenes.

Capping off the action is Alexis Ford's scene with Tommy Gunn—and, we might add, the budding starlet's first ever boy-girl scene. Alexis handily handles Tommy; we're fairly certain this is but the beginning of a bright career for her. And we're certainly looking forward to seeing her blossom into a full-fledged star.

As the end credits roll, the female members of the cast remind us that, while most products aren’t manufactured in America anymore, their nubile assets are 100% American made. At least that’s one thing that we, as a country, can be proud of.

· Buy “American Made: Alexis Ford” (adameve.com)

We don't always get things right the first time we try—not even if "we" are Sasha Grey. America's Favorite Fuck Junkie is leaving Grey Art—the production company she created with Oren Cohen—to start Greyscale, a wholly Sasha project.

No word on what we should be expecting from the new company (well, aside from porn), but we do know that Sasha plans to go in a very different direction from Grey Art. And if her keynote speech was any indication, well, she plans to shake up the industry, too.

· Sasha Grey (sashagrey.com)

In America, Elle pitches itself as a witty, cool fashion magazine for the ultimate insider. In Turkey…well, we’re not exactly sure what vibe they’re going for, but they definitely have a lot more boobs.

· Missy Rayder & Beata Scotova for Elle Turkey (fashioncopious.typepad.com)

As the decades trudge by and the average life-expectancy slowly grows, people can feel like teenagers whether they’re 18 or 81 (as long as they’re legal). So we’re examining ten films that skirt childishness with adult situations. Enjoy!

Random, goofy nudity in teen/young adult movies is no new phenomenon; this is perhaps why it’s so fun to watch. It’s a genre aimed at people in their most formative years, and it’s always exciting (or slightly disturbing) to find that what was sexy in the 1980s is still sexy today.

In addition, since teen films are overwhelmingly focused on sex and the mysteries surrounding it, they have no problem blending awkwardness, fear, and humor into genuinely arousing moments (better than any parody porn can). We’re probably giving the genre too much credit, but regardless, these movies will be remembered as mainstream fap material for years to come.

2000: Road Trip
“Road Trip” seemed to ride in on the tide of “American Pie” enthusiasm, and this scene especially bears a thematic resemblance to the late 1990s masterpiece. For example: there’s a young man gingerly trying his chances with a more experienced, dominant woman; there’s a video camera recording the encounter; it’s slightly giggly in the room. The fact that Tom Green plays a major role in this movie shows that the filmmakers tried to cram as many cool things into the mix as they possibly could. As always, boobs were deemed cool enough.

· “Road Trip” (2000) (imdb.com)
· Road Trip (celebcap.net)

2001: American Pie 2
The franchise was still in theaters and people were invested (maybe?) in the characters in their lives. The reasonable success of these films showed that teen movies didn’t have to be shallow and inane, they could be trilogies with overarching plot points.

· “American Pie 2″ (2001) (imdb.com)
· American Pie 2 (celebcap.net)

2002: 40 Days and 40 Nights
People might wonder why this made this cut and not “Van Wilder,” which more closely fits the teen movie mold. Well, to be honest, there’s just something so awesome about Shannyn Sossamon getting off on an orchid that we couldn’t resist.

On another level, it’s interesting to think about how “40 Days and 40 Nights” satisfies the teen movie obsession with sex by having its main character try to escape it in all forms (even masturbation!).

· “40 Days and 40 Nights” (2002) (imdb.com)
· 40 Days and 40 Nights (celebcap.net)

2003: Old School
Yeah, it’s pretty cool when old people say things like “What up, dawg?” but it’s even cooler when they (almost) wrestle topless chicks in the basement of a frat house. This movie really supports the idea that anyone, no matter how old, can join in the senseless sexual romps of the youthful.

· “Old School” (2003) (imdb.com)
· Old School (celebcap.net)

2004: Cruel Intentions 3
We couldn’t leave out some direct-to-video movies. “Cruel Intentions” starred some big names, and it was manipulative, evil, and plain ol’ sexy. This sequel (which we honestly didn’t hear about until we started the research for this post) is none of those things. Like the countless other teen films that never saw the inside of a cineplex, “Cruel Intentions 3″ shows that you can just put softcore porn in a box and sell it.

· “Cruel Intentions 3″ (2004) (imdb.com)
· Cruel Intentions 3 (celebcap.net)

2005: Hostel
Although it’s not the first spawn of the beast that is gore-porn, “Hostel” did considerably better than Eli Roth’s earlier production, “Cabin Fever.” The movie really took its sweet time, drawing you in to Amsterdam and Slovakia with drugs and sex and flirting in a creepy hostel. Then when you least (most?) expect it, horrible things happen. If you got rid of everything after this scene, had a soundtrack by Blink 182, and made the foreign guy slightly more foreign, this could easily be any teen comedy.

· “Hostel” (2005) (imdb.com)
· Scene From Hostel (metacafe.com)

2006: Alpha Dog
Even when the nudity is sexless and full of anxiety, Olivia Wilde still makes for good watching. Although the movie has a permanent air of criminal menace (and Justin Timberlake, don’t forget about him), it fits sex in seamlessly. Kidnappers, drug lords, and accomplices: they all need a little release sometimes.

· “Alpha Dog” (2006) (imdb.com)
· Alpha Dog (celebcap.net)

2007: Cougar Club
“Cougar Club” is about two college grads trying to set up a venue for the MILFs to mingle with young boys. Heavy hitters like Carrie Fisher and Faye Dunaway play a couple of the mature maidens, and they even get busy on screen. Unfortunately, even though America’s MILF obsession is running strong, we still only have mainstream nudity from the young crowd. We were really hoping for a Carrie Fisher outtake on the Unrated set.

· “Cougar Club” (2007) (imdb.com)
· Cougar Club (celebcap.net)

2008: Role Models
In many ways, this doesn’t really seem like a teen movie (truth be told, Wikipedia called it one) since it deals with adults learning to be mature enough to mentor children. But you know what? Seann William Scott played Stifler too many times to be anything else than a teen movie star. We could go watch him act in Shakespearean dinner theater fifty years from now, and we’d just wonder why “American Pie 40″ was so low-budget.

· “Role Models” (2008) (imdb.com)
· Role Models (celebcap.net)

2009: The Final Destination
The fact that the most obnoxious character dies within minutes of completing a neurotic, selfish booty call really says a lot about the future of teen movies, and the responsibility filmmakers have to show positive sex acts to the public. We can only hope that this signals a bright future for the genre. Perhaps as its pioneers get older, we’ll start seeing more films about teenagers discovering the anxious joys of sex well into their golden years (40 Year-Old Virgin, anyone?).

Or maybe every movie will have an obligatory nude scene and the world will be a better place.

· “The Final Destination” (2009) (imdb.com)
· The Final Destination (celebcap.net)

With silver bells, and cockle shells, and pretty maids giving blowjobs all in a row? Forget those ceramic gnomes—we'd much rather see this sort of scene in gardens across America.

It’d certainly make mowing the lawn vastly more interesting.

· (xtube.com)

Dick Sucker 80: Hottie Holly @ TheDickSuckers.com
This week’s dick sucker hails from the frosty land north of America. That’s right — Hottie Holly is a Canuck, and she’s proud of it. I dunno what they’re teaching their sluts up there, but damn, can Holly blow a dick. Holly takes all 9 inches like a pro. Watch, in pure delight, as our man face fucks Holly various ways while groping her tits and ass. Then, he unleashes one of the mightiest loads we’ve ever witnessed directly into Holly’s pie-hole. There’s simply too much for Holly to handle, so whatever she couldn’t push down into her tummy winds up oozing out of her mouth and onto the bed. Damn! Another set of perfectly new bed sheets ruined! Typical for a Dick Suckers scene.

Visit TheDickSuckers.com | Dick Sucker 80: Hottie Holly

Dick Sucker 80: Hottie Holly @ TheDickSuckers.com
This week’s dick sucker hails from the frosty land north of America. That’s right — Hottie Holly is a Canuck, and she’s proud of it. I dunno what they’re teaching their sluts up there, but damn, can Holly blow a dick. Holly takes all 9 inches like a pro. Watch, in pure delight, as our man face fucks Holly various ways while groping her tits and ass. Then, he unleashes one of the mightiest loads we’ve ever witnessed directly into Holly’s pie-hole. There’s simply too much for Holly to handle, so whatever she couldn’t push down into her tummy winds up oozing out of her mouth and onto the bed. Damn! Another set of perfectly new bed sheets ruined! Typical for a Dick Suckers scene.

Visit TheDickSuckers.com | Dick Sucker 80: Hottie Holly

Well, it seems there’s someone out there who loves Sasha Grey as much as we do: indie band Frantic Clam has penned an ode to America’s Favorite Fuck Junkie. Here’s hoping they get her to star in the music video!

Above, a selection from the song—to hear the whole thing, check out the band's MySpace page.

· Frantic Clam (myspace.com, via American Apparel)

Are you prepared to do battle with another contest and win the hand of Lisa Ann? Oh you better be.

Not that we’re playing favorites, but Lisa Ann inspires us in ways few others can. She’s won America’s hearts (and genitals) with her Sarah Palin prowess, but she’s also a golden girl in tons of other markets: MILF porn, interactive porn, huge tit porn, and POV porn in Santa gear, to name a few.

We figured it’s about time to give back to the woman who’s given so much to us. How? First, watch this video of Lisa and Julia Ann getting soaked, and then…

Write an ode to Lisa Ann. You can do it however you like: poems, flash fictions, and confessions are all accepted here. For example:

Her masterpiece smile
was painted wry and private:
Mona Lisa Ann

And that came from the heart.

Post your entries in the comments section. A week from now, we’ll post the winning ode, and the author will receive a free copy of Wet. Good deal, right?

We still have to hold up our end of the bargain. Last week’s contest produced some pretty astounding superheroes. All of the entries were certainly Stan Lee-worthy, and would undoubtedly make for some interesting hentai (future job, anyone?).

Once again, Beaker’s work deserves mention: his Muffin Man and Wanker Woman would be the perfect poster children for a (very loose) safe sex campaign.

I personally felt a strong connection with doomsaber’s villain: Penile Justice’s arch nemesis, Bukkakia, is a former russian kgb spy who feeds off the seed of man. By performing sexual deeds (jerking off) to her victims and swallowing or being covered w/ their seed, Bukkakia has the ability to control any man she desires. Can’t you see Bukkakia making a guest appearance in “Alexis Texas Is Buttwoman”?

But only one superhero can save our world from lonely nights and Barry Manilow, and that superhero is MalzyWheels, aka Sparky Joystick:

Malzywheels - By day a mild-mannered, disappointingly sexless disabled guy in a wheelchair who never garnishes a second look.

By night he becomes Sparky Joystick - A human electrified dildo who can find any Gräfenberg spot, no matter how elusive it is.

To maintain his superhuman stamina, Sparky Joystick requires a inhuman number of Kahlua sombreros, big, jiggly tits, and a electric wheelchair battery charger.

Not many things sap Sparky Joystick’s power, but his mortal enemies all know that any song sung by Barry Manilow will turn this hero, sent from the Eros Nebula, into a puddle of mush.

The night has a thousand orgasms. All hail Sparky Joystick.

All hail, indeed. We’re not sure what a “human electrified dildo” looks like, but we’re glad to have one around. Congratulations, MalzyWheels! We’ll be contacting you through your profile page to let you know how to claim your prize.

· Photo of literary Lisa Ann via The Lisa Ann (thelisaann.com)

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